Hectic Week

I hate this week, macam busy gila. Mula-mula pasal preparing the tender document and BQ for the upcoming project then print it out and run to the photocopy shop for 10 copy of the tender book, which is quiet heavy nak mati when it's ready. Pastu that girl from the photocopy shop didn't know how to organize the photocopy machine so everything would be ready as a book one by one, then i have to re-organize the paper and my office is full with paper even i skip the lunch. By 2 pm those construction company are already comes in to buy the tender document for this open tender. Hectic x? all by myself... Phewww~

Pastu, just after the selling... boss da bg keje lain. Which is preparing the sketchUp for an office interior design since project tu da nak start that june, maybe tgh bulan. Nasib baik this week jugak dapat gaji. Well, at least the spirit to work harder aren't over yet. hehe~

I had so many things inside my head which i rather not sharing it here. LIFE! Kalo takde masalah bukan life namanya. Tarzan dalam hutan pon ade mslh dia sndr... kan? I don't know... I just let it be i guess. Just go with the flow and in order to do that, i just need to be happy, and busy... means, there's no more lepak2 buang masa or else tangan ni akan gatal nak tekan hp, sending text massages and call him for something that i already know "PATHETIC" ... So let it be. I want to stop being your plastic bag. Which you used everytime theres something burdens u... I want to stop being your Guardian Angle and as a payback I got nothing but loneliness. LOVE is nothing to me anymore. Baik i love my parents, my fish, my food and my money since they got more more much much more heart to gave me instead of you. BYE!

Tired

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahiwabarakatuh!

hehe... Da seminggu tak tulis blog. Bukan apa, Busy Gilerrrr! Dengan kerja hari-hari pastu jumaat amik kelas undang-undang jalan plak.. Yela kan, da tua-tua baru nak amik lesen. huh? tua ke 22? urmmm >_< thinking~

OK! Cut to the point, Minggu ni don't know why aku rasa down gila. Sume tak kena but I think everythings are still under control sebab setakat ni tak de sape lagi yang jadik mangsa ke-moody-an aku.. OK la tu kan, dari tak pasal-pasal aku mengamuk kat sapa2... baran tak tentu pasal haha. May be moody sebab perubahan hormon ke apa ntah kot, tak pon sebab letih. Exhausted gila kot keje sorg2. Boleyhh plak akak kerani tu cuti sampai 3 hari straight... Sorg2 aku kat opis, nasib baik tak gila je. huh!

OK merungut... sy tahu~

Pastu Jumaat class driving law. Ntah pape class tu, yang lecture tu plak asyik-asyik cakap blh baca dlm buku... Kalo camtu baik bg buku je, baca kat umah pon boleyh, ntah pape. Buang masa je aku pegi dari pg 8.30am till 5pm... smata-mata nak cukupkan syarat amik lesen. HURM... baru aku tahu ssh jgk amik lesen ni eyh... Bawak kete tak susah tapi procedure dia tuh, da la amik masa pastu menyusahkan plak tu. Buang masa buang duit. Macam-macam halll lah!

OK merungut lagi...

Dah la, tu je kot.. minggu ni minggu kuat merungut. Esok da Sunday, Kerja lgi! Tapi badan still tired nak mati.. Rasa cam nak ponteng je esok, da la sketchup rumah banglow tu x siap lg. HUHUHU maafkan daku bos. Ala, rileks la.. client mst paham punya hehe.

Oh, Lupa....

Berat naik lagi sekilogram. Huhu bayangkan 43kg ke 47kg skarang. Aku da macam edisi gemuk... Tak suka! Sekarang skinny yang dlu cam fit da tak boleyh pakai, ketat gilerrr ok. Pastu jeans straight cut yang cam longgar dlu da sedang-sedang, siap ade yang da fit da pun. Ummm baju tak yah cite lah... tshirt baby tees, sume da ketat, nampak bonjol2 buncit2 kat sini sana... pastu sekarang nak pakai skirt tide in kat dalam pun da cam malu sebab perut nampak cam org pregnant 3 bln dah. hadoih!!! nak diet tapi gastrik lak nnt. Semenjak dapat gastrik ni, mmg makan x boleyh skip lgsung. Sekejap pon tak boley. Makan-makan-makan even makan benda2 ringan je pun jadi, asalkan ada. Macamana..... la badan tak naik.

Pape pon, kepala ni da asyik pikir bila la gaji nak masuk, nak shopping baju baru.. huhu baju ala-ala sedar diri sikit haha. Work ware pon da tak banyak ni. Asyik pakai baju kurung je skrg cover lemak haha. K la. Chowz...

Salam...

Beautiful

Salam reader's..
All of sudden nak tulis pasal ni, pasal confident level manusia-manusia yang bernama gadis, perempuan, wanita, awek, & etc... Kaum-kaum hawa ni memang femes ngan mood yang selalu bertukar, pastu kekadang cam down sgt-sgt macam dunia dah nak kiamat. Tapi tu la kelebihan kaum hawa ni, Tuhan ciptakan kami untuk menguji kesabaran lelaki dan kekuatan jati diri kami sendiri.

Masa mula-mula aku terfikir nak blog bout this is when one of my colleague which is already 27 years old single/not married akak, came up to me one day and start talking borak-borak pasal why she still don't get married.. at first aku tak nak layan sangat topic tu sebab sketch aku pun belum siap, but since dia nak bersungguh-sungguh nak ajak aku borak so aku pon layankan jela.. I am a good listener kan, so why not. These girl sangat comel orangnya, cute, kecik molek, nampak tak macam 27tahun... at first jumpa aku ingat dia baru lepas SPM huhu very tiny & I should say a bit childish too at some point tapi dia independent.

So, she start saying that may be dia x kawin-kawin smpai skrg sebab dia jenis yang tak manja dengan lelaki, sebab dia kata tak nak dilebel gedik... that is the first point yang aku nampak. Dia kata dia pernah kapel, bnyk kali tapi sume x tahan lama sebab dia bukan jenis manja, or should i say a bit harsh when it comes to feelings. We all normal girl's mmg macam tu. Tak nak dilebel gedik, terhegeh-hegeh and what so ever and it is should stay like that but when it comes to 'in a relationship' on my point of view "manja" dengan lelaki/bf kita bukan dipanggil gedik. Even if aku tanya kawan-kawan laki aku, dorg nak awek dorg manja ke tak and they would answer Yes, b'coz apa yang membezakan kawan & gf adalah manja tu sndr. Manja kat sini bukan bermakna nak kene berkepit cam belangkas sllu, pastu kuat merajuk, semua nak kena bf dapatkan or etc... NO! not like that~ kalo da sampai tahap camtu memang nak minta penampa la kan, silap-silap x dapat gedik, pisau cukur laki lebel ko. Nak?

Pastu lagi akak tu cakap, dia ni dah la pendek... tak cantik, kulit pun x putih. So, dalam otak aku 'La! akak ni, low confident level betol la' why kena pikir sampai ke tahap tu? Bagi aku, appearance does matter tapi kutuk diri sendiri is unacceptable. Kena mature la dalam hal ni... and we girl should realize yang mengutuk diri sendiri is not the best solution. Memang la kan, pendek ke gemuk ke hitam ke kulit banyak jerawat sekali pun  kalau dah diciptakan Allah SWT rupe macam tu, takkan boleh diubah lagi, tapi boleh diperbaiki dan aku rs x patut jadikan tu sebagai alasan kenapa jodoh tak sampai2. Actually, bila pikir balik ada je awek yang lg x cantik dari akak tu yang da kahwin... sume depends on Jodoh. Abg ipar aku pernah cakap, waktu usia kita 8 bulan dalam kandungan ibu... jalan hidup kita atas muka bumi ni start dilahirkan hingga sampai ajal sudah ditulis dan tak boleh diubah lagi. So jodoh pertemuan memang semua Allah SWT dah tentukan, cuma cepat atau lambat je. So please ladies, jgn terlalu low confidence even if you're big, hidung senget ke, xde gigi ke, sume tu tak akan melayakkan kamu mengutuk diri sendri cause it's not fair for yourselves and your Almighty Creator.

Ada jugak sebab-sebab lain yang akak ni story morry kat aku, macam-macam sebenarnya tapi semua aku tak setuju sebab at every reason she gave lies actually her low self esteem yang buat dia always hold back on guys. Tapi yang peliknya, dia ramai pulak kawan lelaki... so, see my point kan? The way she act makes it hard for guys to make a move... cause she treat them all like 'just friend'... So, salah siapa? Bila dia cerita tu sume kat aku, aku just angguk and try to analyse it inside my brain & I try to convince her that she's just beautiful like other people and that married or not is not a question but finding the right guy (jodoh) that will treat her well and accept her just the way she is, is something that she should look for. So I advise her to just wait and live her life to the fullest and stay beautiful as she always does.

And please please please ladies, korg gorgeous no matter how you look like. Have you seen supermodel Alek Wek? She's ugly for me but at some point of view she's damn beautiful cause beauty lies in every single women on earth no matter how you look like. Seriously, stop underestimate your self, cause you have no idea what you're capable of.

Salam.

DOMO KUN!

Hye dear Bloggies~ (bunyi cam doggies pulok) haha but I didn't mean that ok. Ok, harini nak blog about Domo Kun... a fierce looking creature yang paling cute on earth. OK. Reason dia yang paling cute is because even though muka dia fierce gillerrr but that's just the way it was, straight faces.. like no other.
Ok, aku x reti nak citer banyak pasal domo kun ni sebab aku pon tak tahu banyak, instead of knowing that it was born in Japan (world of cartoon). Korang boleh la google sendiri dan kalo malas sgt, klik je SINI. Haih! klik pom, korg mmg pemalas! sama cam aku, so high five~ ;p hehehe

Ok, aku fall in love <3 dengan Domo-kun ni start dari awal tahun ni lagi. First time aku tengok dia dah macam, OhEmJay! Cute Giller bear ni... and to be honest aku bukan peminat bears macam setengah2 aweks tu yang suka pegi gift shop and suruh bf dorang belikan bear yang besar2 tu... No! I'm not like that~ So bila aku jatuh hati dengan domo-kun ni, even aku rasa weird... Like there's something yang buat aku tertarik dengan menatang ni.. Maybe cause Domo ni nampak cam bodoh & garang at the same time. Haha

Domo ni actually dah jadi satu fenomena kat Japan or senang kata kat WORLD la sebab sekarang cartoon dia dah ditayangkan kat US & UK & another country yang banyak gak la. Cuma... Malaysia aku x tahu la plokk.. aku tgk xde pon! huh, very the outdated kan2? haha tapi cartoon dia aku tgk xdela best pon, cam bodoh je. So, I just decided to fall in love with only the character and not the series... hehehe

OK~ bawah ni ade pic Domo yang sngt2 CUTE and evidence about the Domo popularity around the world. Macam2 dah ader.. korg tgk ah senirik! OK chowz~

Thumb Drive Domo Edition 

Cap!

Casing IPod pon ADO!

Kalau ada jual collection camni kat malaysia ni mst aku kumpul duit beli!

Xtaw nak cakap ape.

p/s: As for now tgh kumpul duit nak beli beg Domo and Bearnye yang paling besawwwww sekali... Ngahahahahahahahahahahaa ;P

Feelings is hiding

Note: These entry is 100% came from my true self, inner me which is always trying to hide this true feelings & now, instead of sharing this on my facebook status, I prefer writing it here...

I always lie through my whole life, always trying so hard to keep others happy and sometimes I even broke their heart just so it won't hurt so much in the future. I gave them reasons to hate me again and again and again. Some does walk away but there's certain people who stay. But in both ways, they haunt me every single day. Those bad memories, letting go of someone I always love just so he can have a better person, sneaking through my life just to figure out whether they were fine, BUT why now everything seems so sad and I felt like I've done the dumbest decision in my life. After all this time, this is the only part of my life when I felt so selfish. I am selfish right now, why... now?

Why now that everything seems so fine, so happen like I always wanted it to be... it turns out making me feels like a loser. Loser which only me who knows. It doesn't always felt like this but sometimes, it does making me feel so down... dumb... and regrets for what I've done. Am I a hypocrite? Does everything I done are not as sincere as I thought I am? Why am I being selfish now, instead of before all this could actually happen? Why I sacrifice when I actually realize that I'm gonna regret it one day.

I always trying to tell this to you, but all I can say when we spoke to each other is *sigh through the whole conversation... Mengeluh, when what I'm trying to say is actually doesn't mean anything anymore right now. You already have your own life even thought sometimes you did call, send text massage & trying to keep in touch with me and I somehow doesn't react to each of it... you keep trying for some reason that I don't know what. I really wish that you could hate me, turn your back on me and never look behind anymore... I really wonder how that might actually made me feel. Does it gonna hurt like this? or not? or may be even worst... ?

For every single day of my life, I pray that I could turn back time and change everything. I keep praying even thought I know it would be impossible. There's so many things I would like to say to you, so many things that I think you should know and I have no thoughts in my mind about how you might react through what I'm gonna say. But if I were you, I might felt angry, disappointment & may be do something reckless to the one who ruin all this. But trust me, I wasn't good enough for you... Even if I have to choose after this between you and others, these walls will continue to build between us cause in front of you, I felt nothing but guilt. I can't even look at you in the eyes, or listen to your voice without saying 'sorry' non stop inside my heart. I am guilty for ruining our relationship before.

You were the best thing that ever happen to me, the first person that own me & the only one that can makes me weak without doing anything. But me and my stupidity kills us both & that is something that I have to live in for the rest of my life. I'm sorry... & I miss you.

50% mimpi + 50% realiti

Tak tahu macamana nak mulakan entry kali nie. Yang penting semalam I tido agak lewat... dalam pukul 3 pagi. Agak lewat la tapi sebab harini hujung minggu maka kelewatan itu dihalalkan... Huhu Internet down semalam, mungkin salah modem dan bukannya TM. So, dalam penuh kebosanan x dapat tido tu, I text dengan "Lelaki S" ni. Kami text n text n text dengan happynya until 3 am dan saya rasa da sampai masanya saya tido. But then, bila I tdo.... 

JENG! JENG! JENG!

I macam mimpi a lot of thing's that I can't remember after i woke up. Mula-mula i macam menonton satu scene taw, macam mimpi I tu, I macam tengok TV. Lepas tu sampai satu part yang I nampak ade Hantu yang sangat hitam, berambut panjang(rebonding) dan menyerupai seorang perempuan. Yang buat hantu tu nampak sangat ngeri dan menakutkan is because dia macam seorang yang mati hangus terbakar, means satu badan dia hitam dan dia pun pakai baju hitam... kot~ mana I perasan dia pakai baju apa sebab masa dia mendekati I, I terus tutup mata dan tutup muka dengan tangan. Benda ni makin menyeramkan bila I macam rasa yang badan I bergegar, menggeletar.. Takutnya, Allah swt je yang tahu. I cuba buka mata balik dengan harapan hantu tu dah pergi tapi bila I buka mata, muka dia memang dekat sangat dengan muka I, macam dia tunggu I buka mata... I terus rasa macam seluruh badan i bergegar dan suara hantu tu memang menyeramkan. I tak boleh catch-up apa dia cakap, I cuba azan tapi suara I x keluar, I cuma mampu kuarkan suara macam berbisik.. I baca ayat kursi, baca kali pertama badan I masih rasa bergegar, Bacaah kali ke-2, masa I tengah baca tu I macam tersedar dari mimpi tapi suara I baca ayat kursi tu tetap suara yang sama dan tubuh I berhenti bergegar tiba-tiba tapi I masih takut sangat nak bukan mata, lepas bacaan ke-3 baru i berani buka mata sikit demi sikit dan pastikan yang I da sampai ke alam realiti. 

Menakutkan sangat mimpi ni, I terus terpikir... mimpi macam ni apa maknanya. Nampak hantu tapi tak lari.. I text "lelaki S" lagi, nasib baik dia tak tido lagi... Dia kata I stress. Dia suruh I jangan banyak pikir dan suruh I tido balik. Gila ke nak tido balik, I masih rasa kot dekatnya hantu tu, pastu suara hantu tu I takkan lupa punya lah.. Tapi kenapa jadi macam ni... Mungkin betul I stress, tapi I tak ada lah stress sangat~ kott... ntahh..

Yang mengherankan I, dalam 3, 4 hari ni... I selalu mimpi yang bukan-bukan. Even kalau tido dalam sejam je, I boleh mimpi jalan cerita yang sangat panjang dan kadang-kadang memenatkan I bila bangun tido. Trust me, tidur dengan mimpi yang ntah apa2 nie sangat memenatkan. Bila bangun tidur kadang2 berpeluh, kadang2 satu hari berfikir pasal mimpi tu, cuba ingat balik jalan ceritanya. Tapi, bila difikirkan mimpi ni mainan tidur dan bila fikir2 lagi mimpi ni ada jugak tafsirannya. Betul atau tak wallahualam, I tak tahu. I think this is about time to buy a Tafsir Mimpi book, of cause la mengikut pandangan Islam kan... Tafsir merapu buat apa. 

Oh, lupa nak cakap~ I bangun dari mimpi ngeri pagi tadi dalam pukul 4.30++ am. Sejam setengah je I dapat tido lena. Huhu~ tu pun tak lena, so pathetic. Bila dah bangun I suruh "lelaki S" temankan I text sampai masuk subuh. So, kami text sampai subuh dan lepas solat subuh I terus sambung tidur. Mengantuk sangat babe... mana tahan tidur sejam setengah je semalaman. 

I belom bagitau mak I lagi pasal ni, kalau bagitau... Confirm dia akan heret I pergi jumpa Ustaz Halim. Bukan tak nak pergi berubat cuma I rasa this is still not a right time. So many things happen 2011 nie... and I hope things will get better by the end of this year. Pray for me people, supaya tak diganggu makhluk2 macam ni lagi. huhu 

Ni je kot entry kali nie, pasal hantu... btw, this is not a joke or any fiction I create OK? This is what 100% experienced by me, dan I masih rasa macam mana i boleh beralih dari alam mimpi ke alam realiti sebab ayat kursi kali ke-2 tu. 

Salam. 

Duh Duh Duhmam!

Yes harini, hari khamis. Dan yes, harini hari last kerja for this week (kelantan jewh)... & yes also harini aku nak demam bagai pulak! Bangun-bangun tido subuh tadi da makan ubat, then sambung tido balik, bajet nak bangun pukul 8 nak siap-siap pegi keje, tapi bila alarm da bunyik macam susah gila nak buka mata. Urghhh! so kol bos cakap demam harini, nak MC satu hari. Bos pun bagi sambil suruh siapkan sketchup ngan BQ untuk projek Prima Data interior work KB. So, Ok. Sambung tido... HuHuHu~
Then, after tido tido n tido the whole morning.. akhirnya pukul 11 bangun jgk. hehe lama plak aku tdo. Mengada-ngada kan, macam sakit sangattt je.
So harini cuaca memang sangat panas dan kering kat kelantan ni, KB la tempat lain aku xtaw... bila la agaknya tok guru nak buat solat hajat panggil hujan. Agak-agak dah boleh dah sebab air perigi pun da kering da tu. Tak best la panas camni selalu, teramat panas sampai kalau jemur kain pon, dalam 4 jam da kering kain tu. Bayangkan, dalam sehari boleh jemur kain dua trip! Huhu Panas kan?
Ok lah, another story. So, esok friday. Cuti.. apa mau buat? Besides dari keje opis yang kena siapkan... hurmmm Think think think macam nak kuar jalan-jalan dengan Mazni. Hope dia free. Never been alone before! Selalu friday hari dating.. sob.. sob.. Sedeyh plak single~ whuaaa. But I will try my best to rawks this single world. Huhu  Ok la. If kluar esok, I'll update the pics ok. Tataaa Salam!